She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
