dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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