My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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