Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
