It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
