Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
