24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
