1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
