According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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