When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
