I seem to have left my pride at pride
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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