Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
