I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
