Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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