i was born a porn star she said
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
