Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got inside last night via doggy door
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
