Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
