im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
