tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
