My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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