the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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