It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
