If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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