Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
