I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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