that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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