ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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