We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
