i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
