If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
