Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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