I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
