Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everclear isn't food dammit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
