Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
