I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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