So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
