Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
