She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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