They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
