i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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