And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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