I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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