oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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