yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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