So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
