i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
try to milk me bitch
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
