Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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