Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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