for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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