I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
