11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
