She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
