I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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