literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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