11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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