Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
